LOVE IS
Love is when I tolerate your lousy lovemaking. When I spit on my fingers while you’re sloppily kissing my neck, and rub moisture onto myself, so that you’ll think I’m wet for you. It’s when I’ll let out a small, contrived moan for the pleasure I’m supposed to be feeling, your hands around my drooping stomach afterwards, holding me softly in the sweaty folds of your skin.
Love is when I kiss you in the mornings, even though your breath smells like the grave we’ll lie in together after we’re dead, and how I’m not embarrassed to rise in front of you anymore, my ass sagging, waddling to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. It’s when I make bad coffee and you make bad eggs, and we’ll both eat it without complaint and then shuffle to our different jobs in our different cars, parked in far-away spots and spend eight hours behind a three-walled cubicle in the back of the office, lights blinding us, headache all morning, our bosses coffee breath laughing too close to our noses.
Love is when we fantasize about fucking the new coworker who sits in the front of the office, their skin less wrinkled than ours, their hair smelling better, their stomachs flatter and firmer; we imagine they’d be a better lover, but we’re too cowardly to pursue it. Or maybe just too dedicated to each other.
Love is when we come home early and don’t tell each other, so that we can spend time alone watching sitcoms on the television while eating greasy grilled cheese sandwiches or masturbating to internet porn. It’s when we smile when the other comes home later, and kiss each other on the cheek. It’s when we hold hands. It’s when we still take walks. It’s when we have kids, or we don’t, and we love them as much as we love each other.
Love is when we become realistic. It’s when we change the meaning of love to apply to our lives, to convince us that we’ve found it, and that we’re living the lives that we wanted to live.
Copyright 2010 Carrie-Lynne Davis
That last line, kaboom, growing up in the media it was like "when you're in love, you'll know." I kept waiting for my heart to say ding ding ding! but I think what they meant is "when you get disillusioned, you'll know."
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